Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Frank Invokes Poe's Law

Poe's Law:

Poe's Law points out that it is hard to tell parodies of fundamentalism (or, more generally, any crackpot theory) from the real thing, since they both seem equally insane. Conversely, real fundamentalism can easily be mistaken for a parody of fundamentalism.

Now read the following from Red Eye columnist Robert Tong:

My kitchen range recently gave up on me, so I was in the market for a new one.

I wanted a BlueStar range for its 22,000 BTU burner output, highest in the industry. Recently, I visited a retailer who told me he never heard of BlueStar but then directed me to Thermador, claiming it has the highest BTU burners in the industry. But Thermador maxes out at 18,000 BTUs.

This reminded me of President Obama's current tour to sell to a skeptical America the national health care law that he signed last week. How do we cut through the sales pitches?

Easy. I used my trusty translator to decipher what Salesman Obama meant when he made his pitches. There's a lot of hype, so let's get started.

He said: "[The bill's passage] proved that this government--a government of the people and by the people--still works for the people."

He meant: "This government only works for the 33 percent of the people who liked the bill. The other 67 percent who think it costs too much and expands the role of government--not so much."

He said: "[This new law establishes] the core principle that everybody should have some basic security when it comes to their health care."

He meant: "It'll cost you some freedom, though. And never mind that it won't lower health care costs nor prevent medical-related bankruptcies."

Back in 2004, he said: "[T]he pundits like to slice and dice our country into Red States and Blue States."

In hindsight, we see he meant: "But nobody will slice 'em like I will. Under my watch, I will force through the first major reform in American history to not have any bipartisan support!"

He said: "This will reduce the deficit."

He meant: "This will increase the deficit. We punk'd the Congressional Budget Office with little-known budgetary tricks like indexing benefits to general inflation instead of medical inflation."

He said: "No one will be denied health care."

He meant: "No one will be denied health care unless they're on
Medicare, where we are cutting payments and which will be bankrupt in six years."

He said: "They'll have to finally acknowledge this isn't a government takeover of our health care system."

He meant: "It's more like a government invasion of the health care system, with the massive federal regulation, large expansion of IRS regulation and overall bureaucracy. The actual takeover comes later. Baby steps, people!"

He said: "Funding will mostly be from taxes on the wealthy."

He meant: "Socialism at its best!"

He said: "I think [many Tea Party] folks ... have legitimate concerns."

He meant: "I think [many Tea Party] folks ... have read the actual bills."

One thing's for sure: Obama would make a good appliance salesman.

Can't tell if this is parody, plain stupid or a complete failure of humor, thus invoking Poe's Law. If anyone call tell me why it was printed in the first place I would be much obliged.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message

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