Friday, February 13, 2009

A Moment of Theatre with Republicans


A quiet room filled with the heads of hunted boars, elephants, birds, lions and bears adorn the walls. A painting of George W. Bush hugging Ronald Reagan, high-fiving Rush Limbaugh while he kisses Ann Coulter on the cheek. The room smells of cigars and cheap suits made by Chinese sweat shop workers. Four very white, very angry men sit at the end of the longest table ever made of gold and the tears of under privileged children. A single lamp is lit by a Mexican immigrant worker holding a lighter, his arm straight like the Statue of Liberty.

Enter Judd Gregg. A nominee for Secretary of Commerce. He is old and white too, but on a mission to be part of President Obama's Cabinet. He is trembling a bit and sweating like Limbaugh in a room filled with donuts and Oxycontin.

(Loud Voice) COME IN MY SON!

Gregg walks forward to the end of the table. The men lean in. Lots of cigar smoke.

Gregg: Um, hello Chancellor Conservative and High Councilmen of Conservativism.


Boehner: Are you about to take sides with the Magic Negro? Is this true?

Gregg: Uh, well I think he is...moving the country in a good direction when it...

Hannity: SILENCE!!!

Gregg: ok....

Mitch: Ah crap my colostemy bag broke.

Gregg: What was that?

Rush: Silence! Are you or are you not a Republican?

Gregg: Well yes, but

Hannity: LIAR!!! Off with his head!

Mitch: Yep totally just wet myself.

Boehner: Do you not understand if Obama succeeds at making it clear we have no plan, no clue on how to solve the economy and if we side with him on things we will lose everything!!

Hannity: At least we got Cheney to take over the soul of Michael Steele.

Gregg: Guys I don't...

Rush: Silence! We are the voice of Republican party and we are telling you must step down or else!

Gregg: Or else what?

Hannity, Boehner & Rush: You will be left alone in a room with Ted Haggard.

Gregg: Nooooooooooooo!! Anything but that.

Mitch: Not again, I smell like Rush's arm pits.

A large gavel made with the teeth of terrorists is slammed on the ginormous table. Judd Gregg leaves kissing the floor made of American Flag pins. Leading him to this...

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

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