Frank Chow: Asian- American Political Pundit

Ann Coulter reportedly has her jaw wired shut. (Insert joyous choral music here, single tear). I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

So the ever amazing awesomeness that is Fox News and its reporting has as their eye catching headline today as..."Power of the Prop, Where's the Office?" If you actually click on the link FOX News reports the great revelation that the President-Elect has NO AUTHORITY!!! SAY IT AIN'T SOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOO IT CAN'T BE!!! You mean we aren't free of Bush/Cheney? You mean there is a process involved, you just can't poop out a new President and like a Criss Angel trick he saves us from gun-clinging and religion? You mean he isn't the first Black President yet? You mean people have to serve out "terms"? You mean she was a guy? So wait let me get this straight an Inauguration is just that...an inauguration. Aww man that reminds me in college when people told me Everclear was just that Everclear. Ha ha oh how I miss ending up in a pool of sweat next to a circus clown...boy those were the days. Boingo you were so cuddly. I am Frank Chow and I approved...

President Elect Barack Obama has named his economic plan and his ideas for stimulating our economy and boy am I impressed. Talk about experience. Look at the pics need I say more? I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Let me state for the record, I am certain either Minnesota has the best sense of humor regarding politics or they all smoke way too much weed and I want some. Look at that picture! So we have Jesse the Body, Michele the Bachanator and now possibly Stuart Smalley. Please secede. Or just let us in on the joke. The last time I was this confused I visited a place called "Boys Town" in Chicago expecting LEGO buildings and Gumballs machines lining the streets. I guess in Chicago "boy" means something completely different....FREE DRINKS FOR FRANK! I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

All right so the same ole crap is still pissing me off, but here is wrap up of the weeks news. 1. Minnesota still bat sh*t crazy 2. Hillary will give us even more bad hairdos as Secretary of State 3. Obama is the second coming....of Obama 4. Republicans whining, crying, losing, being poor losers and eating poop. 5. Democrats scheming, bailing, balling, shot-calling and eating more poop made of Detroit Motor Company poop. 6. The "chin-strap" goatee is still popular in Indiana, not a surprise. 7. David Letterman is still watched GASP. 8. SNL goes back to being irrelevant now that the election is over, DOUBLE GASP! 9. Ashlee Simpson has a baby names it after the father sooooooooo emooooooo. 10. I rule and you should be me. Continue jealousy Olbermann and company. I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

I've been doing what I want deal with it. I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Resistance 2, it's so real and so cool. No reason to deal with losers, more video game playing to do. I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Ted Nugent is quoted as saying there is a "conservative revolution on the rise." Really Ted? Now Frank Chow knows one thing about life....this DUDE IS CRAZY! I don't like either side, my politics should trump all, but that being said this DUDE IS CRAZY! Word of advice stick to crap music instead of crap politics. Ted, write me a tasty lick sometime in this decade and I will forgive you. I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

I told you so doesn't begin to describe it. According to CNN Money, Wal-Mart has booming profits this year. Probably a little bit to do with all the gun purchases, but also because SOCIALISM is here! That's right, the place you go to shop is socialism. Cheaper products, lower retail quality and every kind of product possible in one place. Boom baby CHINA look out! Wrap your mind around that America. Another step closer to the Democratic Republic of United States of America. I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

All right you donkeys let's get one thing straight Obama isn't taking away your right to bear arms. Quit buying guns! Stop going to Wal-Mart (the devil anyways and socialist oooh that word again scary)! Just plain stop. Obama simply thinks it ridonkulous, which it is, to have armor piercing ammo to kill a deer. Or an automatic rifle to kill a deer. Or a shotgun to kill a deer. Or a gun to kill any animal for that matter. Aren't you donkeys supposed to be hunting anyway? Native-Americans you are not! How about you look at my past posts and realize ninja swords are cooler anyway. You are wusses and your bullets and guns and guns and bullets are wussier too. Newsflash gun powder came from China and the purpose was to make beautiful fireworks NOT KILL DEER WITH A BAZOOKA! So why not bows and arrows? Perhaps sling-shots? Oh that's right you are donkeys! Or should I say elephant..... I digress. This goes back to my original proposal quit this gun hoopla, buy ninja swords sit...

I must say this is a simple post, but come on they are so cutesy wootsy. I said it. I nomimate Ewok this Norwich Terrier for the position of Obama's White House pup. And you should too. I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

I Frank Chow today made a great accomplishment. I read FOX News online and didn’t yell at my computer screen. Nov. 11, 2008 a date that will live forever famously. Oh wait went back GOSH DARNIT HOODY WINKY POOP FACES! “Obama Chic: What’s on the Menu?” Are you friggin KIDDING ME?!!! GW and his wife are considered not “chic” even though they throw health books at the chefs, yet Obama who doesn’t have menu yet is considered “chic.” Curse you FOX News you are worse than watching Japanese Bugs fighting in glass cages. I implore you to once a day just once post an unbiased headline or story; it could even be about peanuts. But as I say that I can definitely foresee the headline “Peanuts for Obama? ACORN Voter Fraud Charlie Brown, Linus and Lucy all voted in Swing-States.” I give up. I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

YOU BEFUDDLE ME! Jesse "the Body" Ventura, a battle with Al Franken and some dude, and you re-elect this whack job? I feel like ranting like Diddy on Palin, but I digress. Please Minnesota secede from the Union and do us all a favor. I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

This is the epitome of nemesis, if you do not know who she is her name is Michelle Malkin and she my friends is evil. I never paid her any mind because for the longest time I thought she was Michelle Kwan or Kristy Yamaguchi, but boy was I wrong! Asians we must unite against her with the sword of Grey Skull because a woman of this evilicity can only be struck down with my help and He-Man. Now I don't want physical harm to this woman, cuz she is kind of hot, but she calls herself AMERICAN, makes Ann Coulter look less crazy and thinks Japanese interment camps were A-OK! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??!!! Scary, last time I was this scared by an Asian my grandmother found I occasionally dated white women and by occasionally I mean allll the time. Wooha! But seriously she is on the list so to refresh your memory here are my Nemesis's'is's. Bill O'Reilly Michelle Malkin (the scary woman in this post) Stephen Colbert Keith Olbermann Michael Jackson Ann Coulter Sean Hannity Chri...

President-Elect Barack Obama addressed the media for the first time and here is the summary. For Conservatives: Socialism, socialism. Teachers are cool. Socialismicities. I am Black. Socialites. I pity the fool. Somebody put a muzzle on Joe Biden. Eman, Emannnn, Emanuellll! Economy. Neocons will hate me forever no matter how can I do. CNN. Blah blah blah. Black is the White. Socialism. Economists. Market. Middle-Class. Death to Israel. Middle-Class. Get on Up! For Democrats: Hope. Change. Hope. No more Bush/Cheney. Hope is awesome. I rule. Republicans suck it. Middle Class I gotcha. Hope Change. Changing Hope. Minorities I DID IT! I am not a fool and this is going to be tough as balls. Whatever I do it won't be as bad as Bush. Middle Class. Middle Class. White rednecks be scared. Change Changeling starring Angelina Jolie. My wife is hot, my kids are cool. Dog. Sums it pretty well if I do say so myself. I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

So Rush, you thought we wouldn't figure you out. I am on to you and know where you plan on taking America next.

That is my post title for one reason KARL ROVE CAN SUCK IT! Welcome to the New World Order of Politics. Guess what your nampy pampy negative campaigning ideas accomplished...the election of our first African-American President-Elect (Asian-American Thank You) We Asians prefer calm politics, Zen-like politics, don't get me wrong I am allllll about mudslinging, but at least have some meat on people! Here's what America didn't buy that you were trying to sell: Obama as a terrorist. Obama as an afrocentrist. Obama as Superman (not yet to be disproven) Obama as a socialist (psst there is nothing wrong with that hence the increase in Asian voters for Barack Star) Obama as an unknown, THE MAN HAS TWO BOOKS! Read them! Obama as a baby mamma, oh wait that's Michelle. Obama as the One (Neo was the One gosh don't you people watch Wachowski movies) Here's some real meaty negative campaigning tactics you should have come up with: Obama has 6 toes...Don't vote Mutant. ...

So let me get this straight California. You have the Terminator as your Governor, but won't let Gays marry? You will elect an African-American President, but you won't let Ellen (who looks like a man anyway) marry Portia anymore, even though they could just a couple of months ago? This is from the same State that allows John Travolta and Tom Cruise to fly about in space saucers full of R.L. Hubbard's Fakeology. Home of the porn industry, Michael Bay, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, the Lakers, the Raiders and the Osbournes! I am not all about one man rubbing junks in my face, but if he wants to do it for a lifetime with another man. Why not? Junks in faces is how this world was made and how America was made. History lesson. Romans. Gay. Amazons. Gay (also their website is so gay). Mao. Almost Gay. Hayden Pantierre. Gay (in my dreams with Kristen Bell and slow motion replays). See California. My logic is undeniable. Get your head out of your ass and let them have their Pink Po...

Well apparently WE CAN! I am too hungover to express into words what it means to me to finally have America more like China. Hooray for Socialism! Hooray for equal rights! Hooray for the first Asian-American President (hey if African-Americans can claim Clinton we can claim Barack). Hooray! I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Well it has been rocking and rolling and American has show up to the polls. History might just happen and by history I mean me getting so schmammered that I end up a citizen in Canada. Kind of like that time my girlfriend in 6th grade dumped me for Victor the douche and I found a bottle of daddy's scotch BOOM BABY a star was born. Keep voting West Coast. Frank is getting tanked. I am Frank Canada and I approved this message.

In case you didn't know there is some friggin' election thingy going on today. And you are supposed to vote, but what is more interesting is the Washington Redskins LOST! I hate the Steelers, I hate the Steelers, I hate the Steelers, I hate the Steerers, I hate the Steererrs, I hate the Steerrrrerrrs. Sorry my pigeon Enligh comes out when I am upset. Regardless apparently a Redskins loss equals a shift in political power.....it reminds me when I was shifting in my political power when I was unjustifiably removed from my seat as Blue Team Rep in my 8th grade sub-school. There is nothing unconstitutional at Robinson High in attempting to be dictator of all 8th graders. I mean it is revolutionary to steal the money from the food drive and put into into a large statue in honor of your awesomeness! Not illegal. Robin Hood. Mao. The Hamburglar. Great Men, simply misunderstood. Oh yeah, go out and VOTE! I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

With the election tomorrow I thought I would come out with a big revelation. MCCAIN HATES GOOKS! Some of you have read this, but I understand some of our Asian-Americans really are going to vote for McCain. So, I get it, he doesn't want to tax the rich, is as old as Confuscious and kind of looks like David LoPan. But if you read which I assume you do since you are fan of Frank Chow (the best of the best part three), then you should know McCain hates Gooks. And here is the link to prove it. http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2000/02/18/MN32194.DTL I am just informing you because that is what I do. I am not swaying you to vote for anyone (Obama/ Biden '08). Or telling you to believe in everything you read (even though it's true) Just getting the word out (Obama/ Biden were once ninjas) and FYI (Obama/Biden are so Asian). Figure it out yourself AMERICA! I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

So there is a ton of hoopla surrounding voting scandals, supression and tampering...It has come to my attention and I am not having it! I am fed up. Stand up for yourself AMERICA. Here are some of the ways to make sure your vote counts. Remember, I am always right. 1. If you are African- American just forget about it. 2. Go into the booth wearing Ninja garb because no one messes with Ninja’s. 3. Come dressed as Mickey Mouse, he registered. 4. Come with three I.D.s, including your passport, license and a novella you wrote in college about the girl who broke your heart entitled, “She slayed me.” 5. Dress as a white male, pop your collar, wear Sperry loafers, mention you like sandwiches and etc. 6. Actually look where you are voting and press the correct button, moron. (By correct I mean whomever you want to vote for I am not assuming you want to vote for either candidate, but the best choice would be the guy who you like the most and by like the most I mean the one who when he smiles mak...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/11/02/saturday-night-lives-olbe_n_140102.html This is what happens when you make comments that are Anti-American and question Bush/Cheney. You get spoofed by one of the worst actors in the history of man. I mean geez, this is the same guy who splooged all over Daredevil. Olbermannnnn, you and your kitty have nothing on me. I challenge you to a duel and by duel I mean a kick ass game of Madden. Better be ready Jason Campbell is a god! And so am I...in Madden. I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.