Letter from Earth on Earth Day


Dear People of Me,

Okay so you have one day. One measly day for me and I am supposed to be grateful? Laddy dah dah. Bull honky poop. This is a joke. Aside from the sincere green conscience people out there, no not you Natalie Portman, there rest of you are just filthy fake hippies. I get it NOW all of sudden you love me and want me to be better for YOU. That’s really what this comes down to, you finally got my message. Quit fuggin up my face!

Dudes, ladies, gents and weed smokers alike, it should always be Earth day. I provide you with everything. No really everything and I am fed up. And a word for those detractors of Global Warming, I have one word for you volcanoes. I will start hissing and fuming if you keep on denying your obvious hurt to me and MY FACE. So thanks for celebrating me and catching up oh I don’t know 2,000 years late, but come on already and quit fuggin up my face.

On another note let me address the following:

PETA stop making out with vegetables, it doesn’t help. Al Gore, could I have a more boring spokesman? Overweight or obese people do consume more hence why they hurt my face, trash. Bobby Jindal the levees broke dude I got you on the radar and Sarah Palin once I figure out how to evolve wolves to shoot back, you are totally public enemy numero uno.

Phew had to get that off my crust. Back to rumbling Alaska!

Love,

Gaia



I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.


P.S. Bring back my favorite show!

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