Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Blago appoints Obama's replacement

Blago, the Governor of Illinois. The Gov Blago of my great state has appointed Clarence Thomas or someone who looks like Clarence Thomas to Obama's vacant Senate seat.

Okay, so with no power and a indictment by a Federal court Blago is just going on business as usual. AWESOMMMEE!!! This guy is like Capone. A modern day Capone, dropping F-bombs on tape, raising H E double hockey sticks and no apologies. No wonder he has the hair-do. To hide the 9mm he has underneath for protection. Throw a baby down some Union Station stairs! Do it!

On a lighter note, I didn't think it possible, but Gov Blago might be the dumbest person in the world for two years in a row. I applaud his commitment to excellence and being a pioneer for dunces everywhere.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

My buddy Kim Jong has a message!

I am Frank Chow and this is funny

Obama gets sweet Christmas present from GW

Man, GW is the best gift giver ever.

For Christmas Obama unwrapped not only a failing economy, but a WAR! And not one that we started illegally or without precedence, but in the Middle East. Remember that whole Peace in the Middle East before I leave office? Well GW just wrapped it up and exploded it in Obama's face! Hahaha, that GW what a kidder. I mean gosh when he passes he will be up there with Mitch Hedberg and George Carlin.

Below is an excerpt from GW's card to Obama.

Hey Barack Star, thought I get you something nice when you enter in the big White (code name White House). Israel and Hamas at WAR!! Peace in the Middle East is soooo last term. Plus it was cheaper than a Sox hat that had your initials on it. Happy Kwanzaa! Yours finest decider, G Dub (that's how your people say it, right?)

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Sex for Abstinence

Reports don't lie. If you tell kids don't have sex. And teach only abstinence, Well THEY DO IT!!

In like a Karma Sutra positions and stuff Jenna Jameson would do. I love this, proves yet again that Frank Chow rules and Sara Palin is a bad mother. I SAID IT. I judge because I can.

Here's a logical conclusion. Teach kids like they aren't morons like their parents.

To quote the great Van Wilder "Don't be a fool, wrap your tool."

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Obama the Magic Negro

It's wrong. That's it. There should be no discussion.

Other things that need not be discussed.

My awesomeness.

Celtics vs Lakers

Chico Stix

Jackie Chan

and the hotness of Lucy Liu.

Video from below from CNN. Also note Rush is connected in trying to defend the song and the douche nugget who sent the CD's thinks of it is as political satire. Sureeeeee, this is site is political satire, RNC racism and using derogatory terms in songs NOT SO MUCH!

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

PS Dear RNC, move farther away from guys like this and you might just have a shot at saving your party.

Laura Bush doesn't get the Joke

GW has a wife. And she doesn't like shoes getting thrown at her Husband, unless it is her. What I don't get is where has this woman been? Talk about picking up US Weekly a little late. Now you make a comment? I think they call this sheltered, or just plain stupid, though I do thank for her for making beautiful daughters who drink and play video games. Well that's how I picture them.

Frank: Hey Jenna, wanna kill Nazi Zombies?

Jenna: Do I have to wear under garments?

Frank: Nope. Clothing optional (single tear)

excerpt provided by Frank Chow's unreleased play Jenna and Me. Broadway 2009

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

12 Days of Bushmas

On the Tenth Day of Bushmas my GW gave to me 10 Libby's Lying

On the Eleventh Day of Bushmas my GW gave to me 11 Felonies Forgotten

On the Twelveth Day of Bushmas my GW gave to me 12 months of Midde East Peace...oops!

Sorry for forgetting to post these Frank was in Hawaii with the fam over the holiday. Apparently there are plenty of Hula skirts and President Elects, but no internets.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Rush Limbaugh Certified Idiot

Recently Rush, another nemesis, has been stating that health care and retirement are to blame for the Big 3's downfall. Not poor management, lack of innovative products, bigger cars without fuel efficiency, bloated corporate salaries, personal jets, failure to grow and the list goes on.

So I have attached some GM wonder cars, that happen to be staples of their brand to enlighten the blow hard that is Rush Certified Idiot. Way to keep your listeners listening. Feed them conspiracies, lies, deceit and just plain idiocracy! Keep in mind it is a fact A FACT our oil dependency must be less...price tags not included.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Sarah you need a REFRESHER!

Sarah "Gotcha Media" Palin has opened her mouth again, stating McCain's biggest mistake KEEPING HER QUIET!!! Sarah let us refresh you shall we.

Palin 2012!

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Grave Robba Obama

In gross political news President Elect Barack Obama has chosen to pry the Bible of Abraham Lincoln from the original grave-site and use it for his Inauguration.

So now we have our first necrophiliac President-Elect. Disgusting. Can we re-vote?

Wait...what's that this just in...it's the Bible Lincoln was sworn in on. OHHHHH. Phew. I was still on a high for the whole first Black President thing, I was waiting for a catch like Limbaugh. No catch. He is a citizen and not a necrophilica. Phew.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Ninth Day of Bushmas

On the Ninth Day of Bushmas my GW gave to me...

Nine blowhards blowing!

Hannity, O' Reilly, Malking, Coulter, Rove, Kristol, Krauthammer, Miller and Limbaugh!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Pope compares saving Gays to Rainforests

I think the title explains it all and although I love picking on old people this Pope is kind of cool...HOWEVER going after the gays when you dress like this......highly questionable. I mean look at the red hat Elton John has never looked so...

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Eighth Day of Bushmas

On the Eighth Day of Bush my GW gave to me...


Bush Tries to Cover Up Worst Presidency ever

In another desperate attempt to cover-up the infamous Bush/Cheney Presidency they are now feeding crap ontop crap with a serving of BS. Fox News reports "Bush's Little Secret" and it is that he "cares" about our troops.

Ummmmmmmm this coming from the guy who said and I quote "Bring it on!" So now that you have been war torn and permanently injured defending our country let me turn it into a publicity stunt so people forget I started this FAKE WAR! Does this man have no dignity? The least he could do would be to upgrade all of those injured and returning, with nicer houses and lifestyles with the bailout money he gave to his buddies on Wallstreet.

I will now pee in a cup for two minutes and mail it to the new residence of GW in honor of this ridiculous notion. Followed by Spam-ing the Bush email addresses with Viagra ads. Followed by the following follow-up. Relocating his home to Baghdad. Thank you for caring so much about our troops by extending their stay, and invading a foreign nation without WMD's. Oh and though I care little for them, NATO hates the US (damn French will be on their soapbox for years).

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

PS Yes it is a sterilized bottle.

Seventh Day of Bushmas

On the Seventh Day of Bushmas my GW gave to me...

Well, this.

Will Ferrell as GW Bush

Cold cold and colder

Just to let you know, it is -15 degrees with windchill in Chicago. Frank is pissed and will now be lighting his entire Encyclopedia Brittanica collection on fire to keep warm this winter. Thank you Wikipedia, that young blonde pile of douche (you know the one I am talking about) will no longer haunt my dreams..you sir and your "Encyclopedia's" are now obsolete.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Who is this Guy?

News to me this guy is of importance. I was under the impression Barack Obama was the Supreme Chancellor-Elect. He has a second? I am sure this guy, whoever he is will be placed in a safe house and make sure his oldness doesn't rub off on our young and dashing Supreme Chancellor-Elect.

I mean look at this guy! He has wrinkles on top of wrinkles. I bet he still listens to A-Track tapes and drinks Ovaltine. I thought this whole time Bruce Springsteen was Barack's right hand man and that hot chick of a wife was his "advisor."

Well some days I am wrong. And some minutes I am mistaken. This happen to be a minute because I am rarely wrong. Except on the following; the world is octagonal, Condeleeza Rice is not Alfred E. Newman, cheese is from the heavens, No such thing as getting paid for sleeping, Tard is an acceptable insult, I don't have the clap.

Thank you High School ex-gf.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Sixth Day of Bushmas

On the Sixth Day of Bushmas my GW gave to me...

Six news ways of Torture!

Friday, December 19, 2008

Put him in a straight jacket...

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Fifth Day of Bushmas

On the Fifth Day of Bushman my GW gave to me...


Clint Eastwood is fighting and saving Asians

Gran Torino

All I can say is I am confused. And that makes me so angry, why can't Asians save themselves...oh that's right so the bigot old guy can have a revelation about himself making it Oscar worthy. I get it. No wait WHAT?!! Clint "Far" Eastwood, is trying to make us forget he is a Conservative War Hawk who supported McCrotchy.

It's good to see Asians getting roles though and props to the main characters in their first major film. That being said. Dirty Harry would so lose to Master Splinter. Or me for that matter, I know Kung Fu and am amazing at Marvel vs. Capcom.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Actors too rich? Or too stupid?

Rumors are about that actors are considering going on strike amidst the recession currently going about their fairy-tale worlds. The Screen Actors Guild is upset about limos, botox and restaurant perks to name a few of their gripes. Other complaints too many movies with Rob Schneider, Ace Ventura Jr. the movie and Rosie O'Donnell.

I know this isn't really Frank's fortay, but please if George Clooney and Brad Pitt are your voices of reason...you're still better off than the GOP. BOOM BABY! How is that for a zinger?! Take that Rovey! Flip da script. Man, I crack myself up I slammed them again. Yes. Sarah Pale-that! He shoots he scores. I am amazing. Bush suck it.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Automaker Bailtout Passes

The Automakers, aka the Big 3 were bailed out today. And in other news I am still going with Toyota time to "pimp my ride." Corolla 2003, the Betsy will look hot!

I am Frank Chow and I approved modding my Corolla of awesomeness!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

A note for the Gays

I rarely do this because I am all about RAGE, but I disagree with the gay community and liberals on this one.

Obama has chosen Frank Warren to be part of his inauguration and that's it. He isn't taken a Cabinet position, isn't teaching his kids in class nor is he offering change on LGBT rights. Calm down. Quit raging before the stuff you really want to make noise about is listened to less.

It is kind of like Eddie Murphy. His comedy standup RAW was genius. Brilliant then he made the Nutty Professor, Nat Nash (or whatever that space movie was), Norbit, Shrek and the rest. It all became White Noise and he was no longer funny.

My advice to the LGBT community don't be Eddie Murphy.

I am Frank Chow and I RULE!

Lieberman gets slap on the Wrist

I am pissed. So pissed. So basically Liarman goes all rogue and supports Maverick McCain (so many damn names) and his party, their party everyone's party does nothing about it.

Here's my problem last time someone looked and talked like Liarman, he was the Dark Lord of the Sith. Lord Palpatine. AKA the EMPEROR! Look at his guy! He is evil. And somewhere Darth Maul is lurking. Trust me, the force is strong in this one.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Fourth Day of Bushmas

On the Fourth Day of Bushmas my GW gave to me....

The creation of Sarah Palin!

(editor's note: if bush wasn't such an easily malleable robot for the religious right, sarah palin would be where she belongs in alaska in beauty pageants. )

Sign of the Recession

Here at Genius Headquarters, lots of people have been brainstorming how this recession started.

Free Markets? Bush Administration's de-regulation? Ponzi-Shcemes?

NO my friends, the picture explains it all! When acting talent such as Dustin Diamond struggles to pay his mortgage only a recession is to blame. My logic is undeniable.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

PS: that is two Saved by the Bell shout-outs in one week. I want royalties bitches.

A moment of laughter

Can we at least applause this man, as the one who finally made Donald Trump's do look good?

I seriously think I have seen this hair-do in a crime movie before, where the Columbian smuggles in los drogas through the border using a wig. Man I miss Ghost Writer. Such a good show.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

This man should be IN JAIL!

The Dick admits he okayed torture. Now first all I must disagree with his methods, they are awful and disgusting. Second, we ARE AMERICA! What happened to our Constitution? But, can't we come up with more creative ways?


Have them watch GW talk for hours on end
Stare at a pic of the Dick and his daughter, compare, contrast, compare and contrast
Hours of Kenny G
Episodes of the Hills
and someone lip-smacking their food in their ears (MAN I HATE THAT)

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

PS: The Dick should be in jail. Please do something about this. PLEASE. Or hire Bobba Fett, I hear he is reliable.

An Ad I would like to run on Air!

Shoes, the new F-You!

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Third Day of Bushmas

On the Third Day of Bushmas, my GW gave to me...

Three trillion in debt!!!

Bernie Madoff Worst Person Ever?

In recent news headlines, Bernie Madoff was running a Ponzi Scheme for about 10 yrs. Taking money from investors as high profile as Steven "Jurassic Park" Spieldberg. Dude stole from charities and rich aristocrats. That's heartless (thanks Kanye).

Here is the link to what a Ponzi scheme entails, it is basically a pyramid scheme. Promise a lot, offer nothing scam the crap out of people.

I did something like this as a youngster. I ran a Lemonade stand that was "Mom's special recipe," but it was really Minute Maid mix. Charged 50 cents and a had a couple of kids run the stand on weekends near the pool. All was well till I ran a commercial and Minute Maid claimed I stole their recipe...oh wait that was an episode of Saved by the Bell. Saved by the Bell, my life, same thing. I miss you Kelly Kapowski.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Safety first with Obama

It is really cool to announce how the President-Elect will be traveling the day of the Inauguration. NOT! See how I did that I totally used a joke from the 90's and posted it here as if it was current. Only real comedic talent can operate with such style.

Anywho, in an act of genius people think it is news to report how Obama will be "safely" traveling on Inauguration day. Glad we take care of the President-Elect. I hope they found a good stand in for Obama and this is just like a cool fakeout. But seriously, shouldn't this be kept secret. So much for the "secret service. "

Dear Obama, hire the Foot. The always are on time. Take on Mutant Turtles and when you think they are disbanded somehow make it into sequels.


I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Too Good To Be True

In Iraq it is customary to throw shoes at people in disgust. Ole GW apparently is worthy of such a gesture.

Love it.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Second Day of Bushmas

On the Second Day of Bushmas my GW gave to me....

Two Terms with Vice President "Shooting Friends in the Face" Cheney!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

On the First Day of Bushmas

On the first day of Bushmas, my Georgie gave to me...

A fake war with Iraqi's !

Friday, December 12, 2008

Automaker Bail Out

Start making cooler cars! Look at what Honda has been working on! PS Start with flying cars, then no fuel cars, then oh wait...I thought Toyota was in trouble. Not Ford, Chrysler and GM. Fuggg it.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Obama forgets it's the White House

Obama and his family was DENIED! When asking to get into the Blair House a little early so his kids could attend school on time, the White House and the First Lady said, Nope sorry. You suck. Get out of here.

When pried about who might be staying there the White House shady team answered, "Did you think we would really let them have privileges?"

I thought Bush couldn't wait to get out? This is just racist. Racist and more racist. Probably afraid the Obamas would put in house speakers...get it HA I made a pun.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.


Apparently Ann Coulter didn't get her jaw wired shut or the procedure was too short for my liking...


I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Music Gods Pay Tribute to Alan Colmes

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Blagopsychovich, Coleman, Jackson Jr, and more all Corrupt!

I put a picture of toy poop up here because real poop would be gross, but it describes today's political headlines perfectly.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Calling in Gay?

In a bonerhead move, members of the Gay Community are calling into work "gay." I am all for protesting, but this is kind of silly. I say go back to the basics. Torture.

And what better way than subjecting America to another episode of this!?! I win!

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Auto Makers Bailout Update!

Knight Rider new and improved....Major Pew Pewing!

Governor of Illinois, Sell Sell Sell-Out!

Well power corruption is so 2008! Governor Blagopsychovich was arrested today on several charges, mainly though he was trying to SELL Obama's Senate Seat! And at no small penny; a job for his wife, job for himself, getting Tribune members fired, whatever it may be this guy could have gone on the Home Shopping Network.

Being a resident of Illinois not only does this make me PISSED OFF, it's embarrassing...what happened to BIG TIME CROOKS!?! Capone is rolling in his grave! The Chicago Fire is so angry! Irishmen everywhere are like GIVE ME A GUINESS! He should have put that Senate seat on E-Bay at least.

I think it is even worse, we RE-elected this guy. Oh Illinois how confusing you are, home of Chicago and Springfield. Obama and Blagopsychovich. And if you were wondering if GB was connected to BO, this exact quote might clear things up:

from the wiretap "F**k Obama!"

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Monday, December 8, 2008

12 days of Bushmas

Tis the season! And that means 12 days off of Christmas I will start posting each day 12 amazing gifts President Bush has blessed us with...

Let the music begin and the bombs fall!

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Obama getting first Vietnamnese Cabinet Member EVER!

In a move that will be listed as totally kick-ass Barack is naming General Shinseki to be his Secretary of Veteran Affairs.

Resume includes the following:

Trained four turtles in the ways of the Ninja- learned how to use the phrase "Cowabunga!"

Nemesis of Donald Douchenugget Rumsfeld AWESOME!

Invented the I-Pod didn't get credit for it.

Extra in the movie Tora Tora Tora!

Trained Bruce Leeroy the first African-American Kung Fu Master, how's that feel Show Nuff?

More to come, when I read through his like 800-page bio

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Supreme Court says TALK TO THE HAND!

In an unsurprising turn of events the Supreme Court rejected a case regarding Obama's live-birth certificate.

Translation: For Real? You trying to put down the first brother for President? That is so racist. Racist and fucked up. Even Clarence Thomas was like WHAT?! For Real? That is so racist.

Sorry StormFront, sorry KKK, sorry Rush Limbaugh. You are all idiots and we are so much closer to the Socialist States of America. I added this Kung-Fu Chicken just to stress the fact I will chop your stupid case just as the Supreme Court did. Ya'll have fun now.

Now put down your guns and pick up some katana blades.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Free OJ!

It has been too long since that phrase has been uttered, but man it is back and hotter than a Kanye West vs Stephen Colbert battle!

15 yrs! OJ that is a light sentence for murder...I mean robbery.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Chris Matthpew Running for Senate?

Hardball of douche is considering running for Senate and if he does I will foil his plans! I will dedicate my entire $16.22 bank account to making sure this blowhard loses. Below is my strategery!

1. Posters with "Matthews Poo Poos on Democracy"
2. Hardball more like Hardbarrs
3. Really?
4. Grassroots campaign with dirty fliers and references to his biggest blunders "supported the Iraq War", "eats watermelons" and "such."
5. Compare him to Emperor Palpatine (Stars Wars for you non-Lucas fans)
6. Soccer moms key to all wins, thanks Oprah for that one. Totally going to spread rumors Matthews is against Orange Slices and mini-vans.
7. I don't need any other strategery, the above is flawless.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Terrorist and Nazi Legos

Little kid residing in Conservative household:

"I want them, mommy I want them I want them! I can't wait to Pew Pew terrorists with my GW action figure and cardiac arrest Cheney. Then I can rebuild my Twin Towers and pee on terror. Hadji look out. I will torture and poop on them and eat them and the puke them out and repeat. Please mommy please! "

Little kid in church on Sunday:

"Please God, give me Lego Nazis. I must defend the honor of your peoples."

Man oh man, Frank Chow is even concerned for the youth of America...okay moment of Zen lost.

I am Frank Chow and I approved this message.

Update on the "Big Three"

Cars with lasers Pew Pew!